I have been struggling with eating correctly since my vacation (about six weeks ago now). Part of it was being sick.  I was eating foods I wouldn’t normally. I am still struggling to regain the amount of structure and balance to my diet that I would like. I’m in the process of recuperating and refocusing on my healthy eating goals.  Mindless/anxious eating is one of my biggest fall backs (more on that later).

Since I don’t have the lure of the vacation bikini hanging over my head now, I’ve also been putting less grit into my workouts. I still make it a habit to get my butt movin’, but I’ve kind of lost sight of an end goal.  I usually can stay relatively motivated by lining up events (mostly weddings in the next few months) but I lack specific goals. “be in better shape” is not exactly specific and measurable.

Part of that lack of specificity is due to the fact that if I make specific body measurement or weight based goals, I become so stressed out and anxious about these goals that I freak out when I don’t see enough (or immediate) progress. This results in taking several steps backward.  I become generally unhappy and hyper focused on something that is intended to make me feel happy and accomplished.

The Scale is My Best Frenemy

The scale is not my friend. It never has been. It has mostly been the fuel for my own self-loathing. When I focus on weight goals, I usually become so anxious and frustrated that I gain weight. I know that I control my weight, but it still seems like it has a mind of its own.  It has taken some time to learn to focus less on the numbers and more on my fitness and happiness.

I’m kind of in a place where I’ve given up on weight loss and am attempting to be ok with it. By no means am I overweight but I’m not the leanest person on the planet, despite my attempts over the years. I’ve learned to come to terms with my curves and the ever-fluctuating scale.  I have no interest in being rail thing but there are parts of my body I would like to see a little slimmer.  While I’ve seen my body take on shapelier form since I incorporated more weight training into my life, I feel like I’ve been on a plateau for awhile now.

Give me Variety

It’s hard to stay motivated all the time, sometimes I’m not sure what else I should do, or what else I’m capable of.  I try to keep myself interested in workouts by cross training and trying new things, but I don’t incorporate novelty workouts as often as I should.  I like to add at least one new weight training move each week so I can keep mixing up the way I challenge my muscles.  I would like to make more time to squeeze in a variety of different cardio workouts, such as more interval training and biking.

I tend to not plan ahead enough to accomplish this and end up relying on my fallback “programmed” or “normal” workouts. I know I could gain a lot from adding more variety to what I do, but it seems to suck up time to come up with new workouts, and to implement them.  I hate feeling like I’ve wasted time at the gym trying to figure out a new move or feeling like I “failed” at an exercise I don’t normally do.  This is utterly foolish because failure is a form of progress!

When it finally gets nice out all I feel like doing is running outside. It’s a great workout and one of my favorite things to do, but it’s very high impact and over-utilizes the same set of muscles. If I go crazy on running I tend to burn out and wear down my body. But I’ll never give it up, and I’ll still run even when I know my body needs something else, because it just feels so good and clears my head like nothing else.

I digressed a little, but my thinking here is that I need to really make an effort to find a time in the week that I can sit down and plan a few workouts that will help me meet my goals of mixing it up and really putting my nose to the grindstone (in a good way).

Confidence is a Flighty Little Songbird

Confidence is a flighty thing.  I struggle day to day with how I feel about myself. I’m self reliant and I have a lot of strength in me but I’m up and down ten times a day.  I am always trying to move forward and do better at everything I attempt, but sometimes this means that in the process I’m telling myself I’m never good enough as I am.  I have to remind myself not to feel defeated and not to undervalue myself.  I have to stay aware that perfect isn’t possible (in any situation).

In regards to my quest for fitness, this means that sometimes I’ll miss a workout, or even just flub a workout.  Writing is also really important to me and integral to who I am.  One of my major goals is to actively write on a daily basis for the next year.  Some days I won’t have time to blog no matter what my intent is, and some days I won’t feel like my writing is as good as I want it to be.  It happens. I’m human.  I owe it to myself not to be discouraged by all the little bumps in the road.  I am very goal oriented, but in the end the journey makes the woman.  What matters most to me is never giving up on the things I believe in.

What motivates you? How do you structure goals?

How do you reward yourself and how do you keep failures (or perceived failures) in perspective?

These questions have constantly different answers for me! How about you?